*it is a parody. nothing is true*

Over the weekend, Dustin Johnson gained his first match on the LIV Tour after holing out from 450 yards away. In a post-match interview, Dustin was clearly stuffed with feelings as he thanked the family members and followers which have supported him amidst the backlash he’s been receiving since his choice to affix LIV.

Dustin goes on to say “… and final however not least, I want to thank my beautiful spouse. She’s been my rock by means of this whole mess and she or he’s the strongest girl” — and identical to that the LIV stream went black. By the excessive pitched buzzing coming from the stream, you can hear some commotion that was picked up on a scorching mic.

The LIV Tour launched this assertion later that day

“We remorse to tell you that certainly one of our personal athletes has tragically handed away following his first match win. The reason for dying is unknown presently, however we’ll proceed to observe the scenario and launch updates as they’re wanted.”

LIV has but to launch any updates in regards to the scenario however Brooks Koepka has launched an encrypted assertion.

“LIV has been terrific. Ineedhelpsomeonesaveme. They’ve placed on one other nice match, and EXECUTED it to perfection. I get pleasure from how a lot they care for us. Theyliterallyshotdustinjohnson. I’m not so positive how they proceed bettering, however boy am I one fortunate son of a gun. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for LIV golf, becausehethankedhiswife, they deal with me just like the Champion I’m. God bless. Signed, Getmeoutofherebeforetheygetmenext.”

Uhhhh, kind a lot Brooks? Not too positive what he needed to encrypt in that assertion, until it’s that he’s dyslexic. Activate spell verify subsequent time brother.

Phil Mickelson went on ‘Get Up!’ this morning on ESPN, and talked with Stephen A. Smith in regards to the scenario. As Stephen A was getting labored up in regards to the severity of the scenario, Phil lower him off saying “Steve, Steve, Steve. You’ve bought to relax my man. It’s unlucky, however shit occurs! Dwell and let reside.”

Phil goes on to say “[Dustin Johnson] had it coming. He introduced his spouse across the Saudi individuals who shortly confirmed utter disgust and disappointment. He knew their tradition, and determined that he was going to go in opposition to it. If I’m being brutally trustworthy, he simply wasn’t getting any at dwelling. He hoped his public shows of affection may moisten the tip.”

LIV launched a brand new slogan whereas Phil was on reside tv, and satirically sufficient, it reads “LIV and let LIV.”

We are able to’t say we didn’t see this coming.

RIP Dusty Johnson